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When your adult child moves home to save money

So you agreed to have your adult child move home to save money.

Before You Go In For The Talk.

Whatever you do, don’t avoid having the talk. Not THAT talk. The “how the heck are we gonna survive each other and still like each other” talk.

You definitely want to set a healthy foundation for how living together is gonna work so your relationship with your adult child brings you together versus creating a divide.

Ask Yourself.

What are my patterns in our relationship now? How do I want this conversation to go?

Oftentimes in parent child relationships, when expectations aren’t clearly discussed from both sides, communication can deteriorate when either party starts to feel criticized or dismissed.

Setting an open tone at the start of things can lead to good conversation throughout the experience.

Create A Constructive Conversation Space.

Set up a time to meet one-on-one together before you get too far down the rabbit hole of co-living and you’ve already felt your past parenting patterns emerge.

Take On A Curious Mindset.

Ask them how they view the coliving arrangement working.

This is the time to Collaborate and Listen.

Share Your Awareness Of Yourself.

Be honest with them. Identify that you don’t want to repeat old patterns.

Sometimes when we enter into new situations we have all the hopes of how it will be beneficial for us and them but forget that without sharing these ideas we get stuck in thinking mode instead of sharing and collaborating mode.

Come Prepared To State Your Goals.

To set a good foundation, be transparent and upfront for what you need from them to make this work for you too.

If your laundry routine and meal prep routine are an important part of your weekly self-care, state it. If having meals together is a priority after the working day, communicate this vision too. Work together with your adult child to see how you both can work together to make meal planning, kitchen clean up and the laundry routine work for everyone.

Consider The Following Areas To Discuss.

Identify the benefits each of you are getting from the arrangement. For example, is your adult child planning to save money and pay off debt. Are your goals, to get to travel more while having help around the house, caretaking elderly parents, and getting a chance to travel while having a housesitter.

Set a timeline for when the arrangement will end. For example, document or discuss when your adult child plans to have the savings and financial goals met and set a rough deadline for moving out.

Share your hopes for what you hope your adult child will gain from the experience. For example, maybe your goal for them are to make their own money and  learn to manage their emotional spending, and setting them up for success with good habits.

Talking Points To Consider.

Generally the benefits adult children experience when living at home is saving money and paying off debts so they can have a better financial foundation when they move out on their own. Here are some talking points to guide you in considering what is important for you and your young adult to discuss.

Talking through the nitty gritty details gives both you and your young adult an opportunity to connect and grow your relationship at the start of this new adventure as co-partners towards this next stage of life.

Responsibilities

• Meal planning.
  
• Use of home – shared spaces, laundry, kitchen clean up.
• Set routines – housekeeper, laundry days.
• Taking care of Pets.
• Household chores.
• Expectations for guests, romantic partners sleeping over.
• Expectations for communication for arrival home after work, staying out late.
• Sharing the house for work meetings.
• Planning weekend routines.
• Bedtime and Morning routines.
• Communicating about privacy and alone time.

Expenses

• Meal planning.
• Use of home – shared spaces, laundry, kitchen clean up.
• Set routines – housekeeper, laundry days.
• Taking care of Pets.
• Household chores.
• Expectations for guests, romantic partners sleeping over.
• Expectations for communication for arrival home after work, staying out late.
• Sharing the house for work meetings.
• Planning weekend routines.
• Bedtime and Morning routines.
• Communicating about privacy and alone time.

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